Our culture teaches us that time is an enemy. There is never enough time to get everything done. We are pressured by time. We begin to hate the very idea of time and yet we have a peaceful ideal that we keep hoping for. Time terrorizes us and yet we cannot escape. This is particularly true for those of us who are dedicating our lives to social change and service.

Our feelings reflect a powerful emotional relationship with time. If the images we use are at all accurate, the relationship is often an abusive one. The challenge is how to transform our relationship to time and dismantle the abusive patterns we've created. No amount of reading or theorizing will change our deep-seated attitudes and behaviors. But practice will.

How we spend our time is how we spend our lives. This is a sobering thought. At times our sense of responsibility translates into alternating workaholism and paralysis. We lose our inner compass and our ability to choose how we will contribute to this world. Few of us have a peaceful relationship with time.

But where do we begin to transform this relationship? Most of us start by trying to "get things under control." We use the very same emotional time pressure that we resent to force ourselves to get things done. We make lists and lists of lists. We put Post-It notes everywhere. We make appointments and create deadlines. We surround ourselves with messages screaming "DO ME! DO ME!" all in an effort to control our desires and behavior.

But control does not work. Control is what a guard does to a prisoner. Control only turns joyful commitments into tedious obligations. This is the major fallacy of traditional time management systems.

Time management should be a tool for reflection and making choices. Only if we learn from our experience of time do we begin to make good choices. We should stop using our lists to punish ourselves with everything we're not doing. This is the key insight that enables us to begin changing our relationship with time: that we should create tools for creative reflection and let go of our systems of control.

What would such tools look like? The tension between truth and desire is the key. In our workshop called "Making Peace With Time" we present a three-part cycle: how we really spend our time, what is truly important to us, and how we can make our commitments more effective.

You may order a free PDF copy of Michael Gilbert's feature article: "Making Peace With Time".